


The Unimaginable

by MissMaris



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Family, Gen, Leia-centric, Poe is mentioned, rey if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:20:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6046315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMaris/pseuds/MissMaris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The suffering of Leia Organa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Unimaginable

Leia awakes in the middle of the night, staring at the ceiling of her and Han's bedroom with a storm brewing inside her. She sits up in bed, eyes wide and chest heaving for breath. Around her, she hears the echoes of what sounds like an animal, some sort of wild beast that can't be contained. Throwing the covers off, she makes no effort to be quiet as she runs to the balcony of the apartment. Leia can't breathe, can't think-- all she can feel is rage and the need to destroy. 

Looking up at the stars, they twinkle back at her, barely visible against the glow that comes from the city below. She tries to calm herself, to set aside the dark feelings swirling in her and figure out what is happening. Leia counts to ten as she breathes in, and then out again to ground herself, before the Senator follows the thread of anger away from herself, up through the atmosphere and stars and lightyears out, all the way to a small, forest planet where a temple, once peaceful, is now filled with screams and violence and--

Leia breathes in sharply. Across the stars, she understands what's happening. The powerful emotions she feels belong to one person.

Her son.

Fighting down her panic, she reaches for him through the Force, tries to soothe him as she used to when he was a child, and she is shocked when he snarls in return. His presence is dark and feral; disfigured by the hatred that surrounds him. With another furious bellow he throws her off, and it feels like a slap in the face, even on a completely different planet. Leia stumbles with the force of it, jolted back into her own body.

Hands grab her from behind, and she fights back on instinct, trying to break free from whoever is holding her. She has to get to a ship, has to get to Ben-

"Leia! Leia, hey, it's me!"

She stops struggling, recognizing the sound of her husband's voice, but he doesn't let her go. Instead, his arms wrap around her from behind, crossing over her and pulling her to him. He breathes evenly behind her, and Leia uses that to steady herself. She can't see his face, but the concern and confusion coming off of him is as clear as the animosity she could feel from their son. Leia tries to find the words to tell him, to make him feel what she feels. Only one word will come out, though.

"Ben." She says breathlessly, choking back a sob. Han stills in confusion, and then Leia feels the tidal wave of dread and alarm that comes from her husband.

Leia's never seen Han move so quickly before, not even during the Battle of Endor, and in less than an hour they've left the Hosnian System on the Falcon. She's been trying to contact Luke, (both with technology and through their bond), but he won't answer either. She can feel him, the bright light in the darkness still, brighter now that--

No. She won't let herself think about it. She can't think about it.

After what seems like far too long, (though Leia knows that Han pushed the Falcon to her limit, with speeds rivaling that of their famed Kessel Run), they land in front of the temple. Wordlessly, the pair stand and exit the ship, blasters drawn as they head inside. It's clear from the saber burns on the wall that there's been fighting, and Leia shakes off the echoes of anguish and fear she can hear, the coldness that's seeping into her from the once warm, lively temple. 

Following his presence, Leia finds Luke in the Funeral Chamber, cloak drawn around him and hood up brought up to shadow his face. He's in the center of rings of funeral pyres, and Leia feels her chest tighten. Han stays at the entrance as she approaches her brother, gently lowering his hood. His eyes are closed, and Leia thinks she's never seen Luke for his age, but now he wears every bit of it in the gray in his hair, the wrinkles around his eyes. After a few still moments, blue eyes meet brown, and the Skywalker twins don't have to say a word.

Leia breaks, tears streaming down her face as Luke's arms come around her, offering what little comfort he can. She sobs into his shoulder, loud and unforgiving, and her brother takes every bit of it, blaming himself for everything that has happened. At the door, Han has sunken down to sit on the stairs, head in his hands.

Luke will never outright say it, but he blames himself. He thinks he pushed Ben too hard, or maybe he didn't push him hard enough. Leia, of course doesn't want to blame her twin, but it's hard to keep any of her emotions in check as she mourns her son. She could never hate him, but there is an anger there at his idealism, which seemed to outlast the Rebellion, even after everything they'd both been through. Her brother thought that his Jedi Order would be different, better, but it barely lasted more than a decade. How could it ever stand up to the millennia of peace that Old Ben used to talk about so fondly? Bitterly, the thought crosses Leia's mind that both Orders were ended by Skywalkers-turned-dark, and not for the first time she curses Anakin Skywalker for having been so weak and destroying the balance in the Galaxy all those decades ago.

In the months that follow, what's left of her small family falls apart. Luke leaves first, in the middle of the night. Leia has her suspicions as to where her twin brother has gone too, but she can't talk about family or Jedi anymore, so she lets it be. Han and Chewie are only a few weeks behind him. One day, her husband simply says he's going to check on the Falcon, and he never comes back. Chewbacca checks in for him every once in a while, but even those become few and far between.

Leia has lived through the loss of her world once, she will do it again.

She immerses herself in the Senate with renewed determination. If Snoke has finally gotten Ben to turn, something big is on the horizon. She begins to fight for the assemblage of a larger military presence, but the Chancellor has no interest in spending credits on "unnecessary precautions against a non-existent enemy". Leia's not sure what makes her more angry: the fact that no one wants to see what's right in front of them, or that no one sees her son as a threat. 

Not everyone chooses to be so blind, however, and Leia does find allies in the Senate. They are the ones who remember the stories from the Old Republic, of how Emperor Palpatine rose to power. With their help, she gains Senate approval, and forms the Resistance. More join her, like a gifted pilot named Poe Dameron. Leia remembers his parents, Shara and Kes, and is glad to have him with her. Admiral Ackbar comes out of retirement to assist as well, and slowly but surely, Leia gains some of her hope back. 

Over a decade after everything fell apart, reports start to come in of the newest monster produced by the First Order, one who wields a red saber and goes by the name of Kylo Ren. Leia knows immediately that it's Ben. She hears statement after statement of the acts of violence and crimes he's carried out for the First Order, and Leia thinks she's beginning to understand Luke better. After all the atrocities Vader had committed, Leia had never accepted that there truly was still good in him, that her brother had been right. Now, though, she thinks she gets it.

There is still light in Ben Solo. It's been years since she's seen him, but she knows her son. Snoke may warp and twist him with promises of power in the darkness, but Ben is good. And she will move heaven and earth to find him and bring him home.

**Author's Note:**

> You bet I got this idea from listening to the Hamilton soundtrack, particularly "It's Quiet Uptown". I wasn't really sure where this was going when I started it, but I figured I better see the idea to the end. As always, feedback is welcomed and appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> EDIT: fixed a few spelling/grammar errors.


End file.
